The Care You Deserve: How to Find Providers Who See, Hear, and Honor You

By Renada Bey

I will never forget sitting in the hospital bed about to give birth to my second baby. Being considered a high-risk pregnancy for the second time had taught me to tune into myself in a way I didn’t know before being pregnant. Only a couple of hours had passed since Pitocin had been started, and I’d just finished getting an epidural when the urge to push hit me hard.

“I have to push,” I said, half to my husband, half to the nurse, in a sort of question statement.

“Oh no, not yet,” she said. “You might just be feeling pressure from the epidural.”

But I knew.

“No, I have to push.”

My firmer tone caught my mom’s attention and just as she stood up the nurse lifted my gown and sheet to check. 

“Oh! You’re right. Don’t push. Let me call the doctor.”

In that moment, instinct took over and my body commanded the room.

My doctor came into the room as my daughter crowned and the epidural kicked in.

That day taught me something that I’ll never forget, and that has shaped me as a woman and mother: trust yourself.

Culturally Responsive and Compassionate Care

As a black woman, I’ve never had a doctor or gynecologist who looks like me. Not because I haven’t wanted one, but because of what’s available and the numbers that exist. Still, I’ve learned that good, compassionate care doesn’t always depend on a shared background, but it does depend on being respected, heard, and seen for who you are.

Whether you’re giving birth, seeking mental health support, or just going in for a routine checkup, every woman deserves care that makes her feel safe, valued, and empowered to speak up about her body and her needs. That is what culturally responsive care is about: being recognized as the expert on you.

Bodily autonomy means you are the expert in your own body. Culturally responsive care means your provider understands that, too. Being cared for as a patient isn’t about checking boxes or being politically correct. It’s about creating and having space where you can share openly, ask questions, express your concerns and say no to what doesn’t feel right without fear of being dismissed. 

And if you’ve ever walked out of an appointment feeling like you were a burden or that your pain was minimized, you know why this matters. Real, culturally responsive care isn’t about having a provider who “looks like you.” It’s about having one who sees you. Being seen, heard, and honored in care isn’t a luxury only certain people deserve. It’s our right. It’s the bridge between surviving the system and actually being supported within it.

Motherhood, for many of us, begins the journey of learning to tune into ourselves. Then somewhere along the way, we tune out. The daily demands and needs of our role become prioritized over making space for our own. Honestly, it can sometimes feel like you’ve signed an invisible agreement to put yourself last. But pregnancy teaches us something powerful about care and what we deserve, because it teaches us to listen to ourselves. From what we eat to how we rest, pregnancy becomes our first lesson in self-awareness. It’s when we learn that our well-being is directly tied to the life we nurture, both theirs and ours. 

That same awareness applies to finding care that supports our whole selves: body, mind, and spirit. The moment we stop listening to what we need, we disconnect from the very wisdom that guides us to healing. 

Finding Care that Fits You

The only way we can avoid being disconnected from care for ourselves in motherhood, in our health, and in our life is by returning to what we know: how to listen, advocate for, and trust ourselves. Finding culturally responsive care starts with those same practices.

Here are three ways to help you find a provider who truly sees, hears, and honors you:

1. Are You Seen There?

When you walk into the office are you acknowledged, do you feel represented? Do you see staff, patients or community connections that reflect who you are? Read reviews, look at the provider’s affiliations, community involvement and residency background. A doctor doesn’t have to look like you to care for you well, but they should have experience and regular exposure to people who do. A provider who recognizes your story, even if it’s different from their own, ensures you’re central in your care instead of an afterthought. 

2. Are You Heard There?

Do you feel rushed or interrupted during appointments, or does your provider take time to listen? You should leave your appointment feeling understood, not dismissed. Being heard means having space to describe what you’re experiencing and knowing your concerns matter. Culturally responsive care values your lived experience as a form of expertise. Your doctor should be willing to learn from you as much as they teach you.

3. Are You Honored There?

This one may seem unusual, but it makes all the difference. Being honored in a healthcare setting, whether it’s your physical or mental health, looks like follow-up calls when results come in, messages returned promptly, suggestions and practices that support healthy manageable change and care that’s timely and intentional. It’s care that respects your time, your body and your boundaries, whether that’s religious beliefs, cultural practices or wanting to do your own research before starting a new medication. 

Sometimes, we get so caught up in being and doing for everyone else that we forget it’s okay to need care, too. Finding and getting culturally responsive care doesn’t add more to your plate, it clears space for what helps you nourish and care for you too. 

So as you navigate the journey of motherhood and womanhood, remember: you deserve care that listens when you speak, sees you in your fullness, and honors what your body already knows. Finding the right provider is a process and isn’t about perfection, it’s about partnership. And it’s worth it, because you’re worth it.

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