Perinatal Mental Health Struggles Got Your Tongue? How to Support Infant-Toddler Mental Health and Language Development

By Emily Adler Mosqueda, M.S. CCC-SLP, GC-ITMH

Talking and cooing with your baby is what many parents envision will come naturally once their squishy bundle arrives. With the prevalence of perinatal mental health struggles, a lack of talking and sensitively responding to a baby can negatively impact their language development and mental health. When a parent is under-resourced, tired, stressed, anxious, and/or depressed, they often provide a proportionally stimulating language environment for their developing child. Said simply, when we don’t feel great, we don’t make the best communication partners. The more stress and mental preoccupation a parent experiences, the less mental bandwidth they have to engage in activities like singing songs, reading books, or talking and playing with their baby. Here’s what you can do.

Babies have mental health, too

It is important to consider your baby as a communication partner and someone with their own mental health needs from day one. Doing so will ensure you are consciously stimulating their language development and being attentive to their experiences in a sensitive and responsive manner. Sensitive and responsive caregiving are ways to nourish and support the development of the infant brain, which is still infantile through age 4. Being sensitive and responsive does not equal constant attention towards the baby at the cost of yourself or other relationships.

Babies are also born neurologically wired to connect. Each responsive look, sound, word, and gesture you or a caring adult make towards your baby builds actual parts of their brain and nervous system. Think of each response to a baby as a nail in a board that, over time, makes up the physical architecture of their brain.

Self-care is caring for your baby

What happens to a child’s adult happens to the child. Like all ecosystems, each person in the family interacts and influences one another. When a depressed and or overwhelmed parent takes time and space to rest, resource, and recharge themselves, like attending a doctor’s appointment or therapy session, the caregiver has more brainpower to engage with life, including engaging with their baby. Taking time away to go for a walk alone or with a friend, or to sleep, will support your baby because when you reunite with them, you’ll be refreshed. People are usually more talkative, sensitive, and responsive when they are regulated and rested. 

Get your community involved

Infants need various communication partners to learn language and social exchanges from. When postpartum mental health issues are identified (paternal postpartum depression is also possible and often under-identified), clinically or subclinical, it’s a good idea to make a plan for the baby’s communication and mental health needs, too.

Map out regular interactions for Baby with various familiar, caring adults. If one parent is not having a particularly good day or is taking some self-care time, another parent, extended family member (biological or chosen), or friend can offer short, regular responsive language experiences to the baby. One or two visits a day with a resourced young person or adult can support a child who’s living among adults struggling with their mental health. This time could include reading a book, singing, feeding, or simply talking to the baby. If your community is small or not able to support you regularly in person, consider things like playing an audiobook aloud in a room while you rest next to Baby and they do tummy time, or having a video call between a loved one and Baby while you’re nearby, caring for yourself.

Pick a time when you shine

For new or repeat parents, a new baby is a big transition. Brainstorm times of your day when you have the most energy to give a little extra attention to your baby’s development. Next, think about a routine/activity both you and your baby enjoy. These are the times of day and types of interactions when you can most support language development and, over time, enhance their mental health. A regular routine of verbal engagement is a great early intervention and an opportunity to foster a healthy attachment bond.

This could look like: reading books earlier in the day rather than just at bedtime, narrating what the baby’s looking at while in a swing or on a play mat, talking about what you see on a walk, singing a song with an animated face and tone of voice, or describing how they might be feeling.

A gift that they’ll never grow out of

Language and secure attachment are unique qualities of human beings. Whether spoken or signed, language gives us access to each other, our cultures, our communities, and ourselves. Babies truly are sponges. Their brains make so many connections in the first few weeks, months, and years of life; they really are different in the evening than they were when they woke up in the morning. Talking with a partner and the other adults in your baby’s life about the importance of language input is a gift everyone can give that will only help the child grow. Regular verbal engagement regulates Baby’s nervous system and supports their mental health development at the same time!

More ideas to support early language development and mental health

For some people who are inherently quiet, choose a time of the day to be more talkative. For example, many baby books have pages of single images and a single word. Use those pages as springboards to then point out and label that same item in the room where you are. Describe how, where, when, and who uses/needs/wants the pictured item. Your baby will let you know when they’ve had enough talk-time and want some quiet.

Openly share about a history of depression or concerns of postpartum mental disorders, of any degree, with your child’s pediatrician. It’s their job to ensure your baby is on track developmentally. If, after a few visits, you don’t feel comfortable with your pediatrician and sharing about how things really are, consider changing care providers.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has wonderful free educational materials on developmental milestones online. You can learn all the amazing things your child will be doing across all areas of development, not just communication and social development. Being familiar with these milestones helps families know what to expect at a particular age, as well as what to look forward to.

Familiarity with milestones helps families and professionals identify areas of concern early on. If concerns persist, your child’s doctor can make a referral for a communication and or developmental evaluation by an early intervention evaluation team that should include a speech-language pathologist. If you have concerns about your child’s mental health, there are infant-toddler mental health specialists available to assess and provide behavioral support, too. You are not alone, and neither is your child. 

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