Andrea’s Story: Choosing Recovery Postpartum as an Eating Disorder Therapist

By Andrea Wetterau, MSW, LICSW, LMHC, EMDRIA Certified Therapist, PMH-C, CYT-200

National Eating Disorders Screening Week (October 20-24) in partnership with the National Eating Disorders Association

“I know how many calories are in a Cheerio.” Those were the words a peer said, as she dumped her bowl onto the table and began counting each piece before returning them to the bowl. 

When I was 16, I was diagnosed with anorexia and admitted to an eating disorder treatment facility. I looked into that girl’s eyes and saw nothing but the eating disorder — no spark, no life. Her fire was out. I was horrified. I looked down at my own plate and knew I did not want that for myself. I knew I needed to find the reasons to get better. 

At that moment, I knew two things deep in my bones: I wanted a career helping people, and I wanted, one day, to be a mother. 

From that day forward I chose recovery — again and again. Saying “no” to an eating disorder was never a single decision. It was practice. It was choosing recovery every day, and sometimes even multiple times per day. 

And since then, every step I took was to bring me closer to being a psychotherapist specializing in eating disorders. 

In graduate school, I had the privilege to be chosen for a highly competitive internship at a nationally-known eating disorder treatment facility. There, I learned from the best of the best, and received a wealth of invaluable training and experience. 

As a social worker, it was important to me to work in community mental health after graduate school. I focused my time there leading an eating disorder support group, as well as having a caseload full of individuals looking for support in their eating disorder recovery. 

I went on to work as a psychotherapist at another nationally-known eating disorder treatment facility, where I got experience working in the adult residential treatment program. It was while working in this program that I began seeing individuals, who were parents, coming in and out of treatment. 

I began to see patterns of how people either had an onset or relapse with an eating disorder during their pregnancy, postpartum, and/or parenthood. Not being a mother yet, I was so curious about what was happening during pregnancy, postpartum, and parenthood that led to an increase in these onsets and relapses of eating disorders. (So I, eventually, went on to get certified in perinatal mental health.) 

And all along, I felt strong in my recovery — until my first postpartum. 

A cascade of medical trauma — preeclampsia, hemorrhage during birth, medical negligence, another hemorrhage at home, and two D&Cs to treat placenta accreta — brought me to my knees during the most vulnerable transition of my life: becoming a parent. I minimized my experience. I told myself the only thing that mattered was that my baby was healthy. I ignored red flags. I told myself I was fine when I was not.

Returning to work as an eating disorder therapist, I unraveled. I worked across the street from the hospital where my traumas happened; I could see it from the group therapy room. Trauma responses became frequent. I leaned on the coping skills I taught my patients just to get through the day. 

Then the intrusive thoughts started. My mind was filled with images of harm coming to my baby — even images of me causing her harm. I felt as though I was losing control of my emotions, my body’s reactions, and my own mind. 

With the support of my husband and my boss, I took a mental health leave to start medication and trauma therapy. I carried so much shame — shame that I couldn’t “fix” myself, that the strong person I’d always been had failed. And my eating disorder found its voice in that shame. 

“Let me help,” it whispered. “Just for a little while. You’ll feel better. You’ll have control.” I now understood, on a personal level, how easy it can be to slip back into my eating disorder; to grasp for something – anything – to help one cope through such a difficult and vulnerable time. 

And, as a clinician, I knew those promises were false. I knew short-term relief would mean long-term harm. Still, resisting was not easy. It was the same repeated practice I had learned years before. 

On the loneliest days of my leave, my eating disorder suggested skipping meals — no one would know. But I would know. And I knew, again deep in my bones, this was not the path I wanted. So I chose nourishment. I chose to feed myself despite the loudness of my thoughts. 

As trauma therapy and medication took effect, the intrusive thoughts decreased in frequency and intensity. I began to feel safer in my body. I felt more like myself — not because I obsessed over weight or food, but because I tended to my needs: nourishing my body, reaching for support, and practicing compassion and patience with myself. 

Now, working in my own private practice, I primarily work with pregnant, postpartum, and parenting people who are searching for healing – whether it be with birth trauma, childhood trauma, or their relationship with food and body. 

This is the work I dreamed of doing, and I constantly feel the need to pinch myself, because I feel so honored to bear witness to people’s healing journeys. 

---

---

Explore More PSI Resources: 

Get Help

Specialized Support Resources for Eating Disorders

Postpartum Planning Class