Stories of Hope: My Battle with Postpartum Depression

Anna’s Story

At PSI, we understand that storytelling has the power to save lives, and we are honored to provide a space for survivors to share their stories. This article is part of a subsection of the PSI blog dedicated to survivor stories. Please note that this story has not been edited, and caution is advised as distressing themes related to perinatal mental health may be present. If there are specific trigger warnings for an article, they will be listed below. Links to resources can be found at the bottom of this page.

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation

My name is Anna Kraft, and I am the mother of three young sons, ages five, three, and two. After the birth of my third son in February of 2023, I suffered from severe postpartum depression and rage. I had everything going for me: a prior history of mental illness and, therefore, knowledge of myself and mental illness; an antidepressant I had been on for many years and was still taking; a supportive and understanding husband who believes in the importance of mental health; and an outstanding therapist watching over me – and I still wanted to die. I thought my children would be better off without me. I was angry, unable to regulate my emotions, overwhelmed, exhausted, and empty. I did not realize how sick I was.

Fortunately for me, my therapist, whom I have been with for five years, noticed that I was not well and brought this to my attention. She offered, with my permission, to call my husband and talk to him, which she did. My husband called my mother, who moved in with us for a month to care for my children. I had appointments with the midwife who delivered my son, as well as my primary care provider. In my appointment with my midwife, she told me that, through another midwife, she had recently learned that Emory University Hospital (Atlanta) has a Women’s Mental Health Program that is specifically for pregnant and postpartum women. I was quickly seen by a perinatal psychiatrist there who adjusted my medications and enrolled me in a support group with other postpartum women. As I sat in the waiting room before my first appointment, however, I was the only one waiting. There was no one else there, and I know that is not because other women are not suffering. I started being vocal about my PPD, and the more I spoke, the more women spoke back to me about their own experiences.

Unfortunately, PPD is not talked about enough with pregnant and postpartum women. While pregnant, expectant mothers are seen by a health care professional monthly at minimum, which then turns to weekly as the due date approaches. Post-birth, women are seen only once by their health care provider. The doctor women most often see after birthing a baby is their child’s pediatrician. While many good pediatricians check in with mothers about their mental health and wellbeing, most mothers are more concerned about their baby’s wellbeing at these appointments. Additionally, many women do not realize that the thoughts and feelings they are experiencing post-birth are due to an actual illness. I know from first-hand experience that many mothers think that there is something wrong with them and their mothering; for example, mothers will tell themselves that they are bad mothers and they will question why other mothers seem to be able to handle it all yet they themselves cannot. The worse they feel, the heavier the shame and guilt become, and the less likely they are to talk for fear of how others might react. Even when a mother does speak up, she can often be met with comments such as, “You should be happy you have a healthy baby!” or “Just wait until he’s a teenager!” These comments further serve to silence a suffering mother.

I cannot stop thinking about all of the women who do not have prior mental health experience and knowledge, who do not have a supportive spouse or partner, who do not have a mental health professional watching over them, and who do not know where to go or even how to verbalize that they need help when they find themselves in a postpartum crisis. Women are suffering – and dying – in silence, and my conscience will not allow me to stay silent on this issue.